I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Randomize
