so that wasnt chicken after all
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Randomize
