u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
