Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
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