Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
