Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
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His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
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I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
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