I didn't shave. On purpose
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
