capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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