so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
he thought i was a dude.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
