She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
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So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
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He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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