Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
