Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
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