We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
