Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
