pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
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turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
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She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
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