I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
