How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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