Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
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