wrigley field is MILF paradise
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
