Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
