I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
