Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
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