he told me I talked like a deaf person
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Randomize