How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
