That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Sorry about my life...
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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