My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize
