He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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