I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
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i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
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Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I would ride that face into the sunset
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
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