so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
