Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Randomize
