He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
