remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
This is classic penis vs brain.
Randomize
