Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
