Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
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