life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
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i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
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