I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
