Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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