the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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