im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
