so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
