i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
