i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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