Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
