Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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