Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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