I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
not ubering you a puppy
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
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