last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
