Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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