tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
