I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Randomize
