Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Holy sore nipples Batman
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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