Dignity is for republicans.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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