Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
