why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
