Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
