Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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