Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
