Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize