are you still at the devil's house?
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
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