if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
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