Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Randomize
