He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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