I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
