Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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