Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
