I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
