I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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