Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
Small penises have feelings too.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Randomize
