It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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