It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
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