Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
